[Oh no. Edelgard thumbed the send button almost immediately after she started typing. ...Which is weird, because she has steady hands. Hands that don’t shake.]
...
[A few quick moments later.]
Pardon me.
I would have hoped you to see a neatly composed message by the time you realized I was contacting you.
I ask that you refrain from response until I’ve finished.
Dimitri, I have spent long cruel hours for the better part of this year toiling within my own thoughts - amidst the memories in my head...and the memories yet to come. Make no mistake that I intend to, and have always intended to swallow as much blood as necessary to birth my dream for the world. This is my responsibility, my burden, and no one else’s. Do you understand, Dimitri? My ideals are everything to me. They are the reason I walk, the reason I breath. They are my beating heart.
It feels as though, were those ideals to falter, I...
And yet, knowing that, having already staked my life, my heart, I find myself growing restless. I stand at a bridge that you have long since crossed...Many of you have. Which I believe has made being around you, speaking to you, any of you...feel very unnerving at times. I am forced to answer for crimes I did not commit, a path I have not yet walked....I am prepared, fated to make decisions that will destroy the lives of others. Of your friends. Even your life, Dimitri. But you already know that.
I should be sure of myself, of my future, but Dimitri, I am shaken. And I admit that...even saying that makes me sick to my stomach. I am not one to admit weakness, as you are likely aware, but these words stir endlessly in my head like a curse. There is no action I can take in this place to assure myself that I am doing the right thing, I cannot forge ahead...I am stuck at the crossroads of my future. What am I afforded by this stasis? I am forced to live only with the terror and pain of my choices and none of what justifies it. I am eighteen years old and have had five years of bloodshed thrust upon me. There was no time for me to adjust, to understand my own choices and become a worthy emperor, one that can keep from losing sleep over destroying the life of someone that I used to care dearly about...and many others.
What am I to do? I have asked myself. I thought perhaps I would go to the Professor, but...I began thinking of the reason that I am here, and what my presence here affords me. I believe that, maybe it’s
You.
Finally, I can talk to you. As...myself.
You are free to disregard all of the blither that precedes this questions, but I would appreciate an answer to this:
Dimitri, you are free to hate me, revile me...But if you would allow it, I would enjoy the opportunity to speak with you, unburdened by politics, war, and posturing.
[ He's quiet as he reads this, his hands gripping the device. He has avoided speaking to Edelgard any more than necessary, which... he felt quite bad doing. But he was reassured by the thought that she had her friends here...
His reply comes perhaps, an hour after she's sent her message, before simply sending this text in reply. ]
Hello, Edelegard.
If you are still awake, I'd like to meet with you. If not, please meet me at the Groves tomorrow afternoon. I'll be waiting.
[ He doesn't want to be too impulsive, but she is young here- he can't even imagine what this place can feel like for someone who is as they were back then. And he doesn't think this is a conversation they can have over text. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Late April, Late at night, 1/2
[Oh no. Edelgard thumbed the send button almost immediately after she started typing. ...Which is weird, because she has steady hands. Hands that don’t shake.]
...
[A few quick moments later.]
Pardon me.
I would have hoped you to see a neatly composed message by the time you realized I was contacting you.
I ask that you refrain from response until I’ve finished.
Thank you.
2/2
Dimitri, I have spent long cruel hours for the better part of this year toiling within my own thoughts - amidst the memories in my head...and the memories yet to come. Make no mistake that I intend to, and have always intended to swallow as much blood as necessary to birth my dream for the world. This is my responsibility, my burden, and no one else’s. Do you understand, Dimitri? My ideals are everything to me. They are the reason I walk, the reason I breath. They are my beating heart.
It feels as though, were those ideals to falter, I...
And yet, knowing that, having already staked my life, my heart, I find myself growing restless. I stand at a bridge that you have long since crossed...Many of you have. Which I believe has made being around you, speaking to you, any of you...feel very unnerving at times. I am forced to answer for crimes I did not commit, a path I have not yet walked....I am prepared, fated to make decisions that will destroy the lives of others. Of your friends. Even your life, Dimitri. But you already know that.
I should be sure of myself, of my future, but Dimitri, I am shaken. And I admit that...even saying that makes me sick to my stomach. I am not one to admit weakness, as you are likely aware, but these words stir endlessly in my head like a curse. There is no action I can take in this place to assure myself that I am doing the right thing, I cannot forge ahead...I am stuck at the crossroads of my future. What am I afforded by this stasis? I am forced to live only with the terror and pain of my choices and none of what justifies it. I am eighteen years old and have had five years of bloodshed thrust upon me. There was no time for me to adjust, to understand my own choices and become a worthy emperor, one that can keep from losing sleep over destroying the life of someone that I used to care dearly about...and many others.
What am I to do? I have asked myself. I thought perhaps I would go to the Professor, but...I began thinking of the reason that I am here, and what my presence here affords me. I believe that, maybe it’s
You.
Finally, I can talk to you. As...myself.
You are free to disregard all of the blither that precedes this questions, but I would appreciate an answer to this:
Dimitri, you are free to hate me, revile me...But if you would allow it, I would enjoy the opportunity to speak with you, unburdened by politics, war, and posturing.
Perhaps what I really mean to say is
Hello, Dimitri. It’s Edelgard.
no subject
His reply comes perhaps, an hour after she's sent her message, before simply sending this text in reply. ]
Hello, Edelegard.
If you are still awake, I'd like to meet with you.
If not, please meet me at the Groves tomorrow afternoon.
I'll be waiting.
[ He doesn't want to be too impulsive, but she is young here- he can't even imagine what this place can feel like for someone who is as they were back then. And he doesn't think this is a conversation they can have over text. ]