[ This is true peace... he feels like the world is absolutely wrong without Byleth there. Even if so much of their time here is spent doing other busywork, but he does make it a point to come back to him.
No matter what, no matter how— he's the only one he'd have in his arms.
He pauses, quiet as he allows Byleth to kiss him, his own hands cupping his head as he opens his eye, gazing upon that face he cannot ever get out of his heart and thoughts. He's quiet as he speaks, before releasing a soft sigh and smile. ]
Because I'm a fool who cannot give you the happiness you are truly deserving of. Yet here you are, accepting what little I can give.
[ He moves his head so that he can plant a small kiss on Byleth's forehead. ]
I've missed you.
[ Ever since Byleth stopped staying long in his room, he's felt a little out of sorts. ]
[ Sylvain's words echo back to him as he considers his own actions and always trying to accommodate Dimitri when he should have been less skittish. Less avoidant. He should have told him everything the moment he learned. He should have asked him to crawl into his bed, to give into him, to surrender, to love him... instead of waiting so long, giving Dimitri reason to doubt his own feelings.
He never wanted him to feel this way at all.
Both hands move down his arms and take Dimitri's fingers between his own as he struggles with how to start -where to start. He can't keep hiding from the truth, and even if it should tear them apart, he has to face that reality now. ]
You don't have to.
[ He really wants to stay by his side. ]
You make me happy.
[ Happier than he ever thought he could be after losing his father. Dimitri and the rest of his former students had become his family in his stead. ]
But there's something you should know about me, about the crests, about Rhea... do you want me to continue?
[ In all honesty, he'd simply assumed that Byleth felt that he wasn't quite ready for the commitment he'd proposed to him. And he wouldn't blame him for thinking so— with how things were here, with the urges they inflicted on others...
Dimitri had managed to avoid most interactions that would make him feel guilty, and only doing what he could out of necessity of the situation— but his mind eventually brought back thoughts of Byleth. Of whether Byleth was enjoying himself more with someone else— if he would rather they...
He'd often have to catch himself when his thoughts went that way. Because in the end, Byleth has no reason to be with him in any form, outside of his own feelings for him. And he knows he can't demand that, regardless of how he feels. He knows what he feels, and he accepts whatever Byleth feels— and so he began to accept when Byleth wouldn't join him in bed after a while, he began to accept when their evenings would be spent with people other than each other... they'd have to live their own lives while accepting a lot.
He thought he was fine, so the sudden show of love threw him off guard. Had he been assuming wrongly and distancing himself from the one he loved? That was what had brought on his tears, and now, as Byleth speaks, he watches him curiously. ]
I have not had the chance to speak with her... or know that she was present.
[ The Archbishop was here all this time...? He frowns, feeling a little foolish for not looking more closely. ]
What is it, beloved? We'd not yet found her in my memory, but...
She is. She came to my apartment when she arrived.
[ It was by chance that she had stumbled in, but maybe fate had also played a role, considering what they had ended up speaking of. ]
She's from a different path. I had lead Claude's house, but many truths remain between the two.
[ He has no reason to believe they would be any different considering how many facts line up. His hands tighten around Dimitri's as he braces himself, though he's not used to having to speak this much in one sitting. Still, if he doesn't tell him now, he won't be able to continue in good conscience. ]
When I was young, I dreamt often about a young girl speaking to me. I told my father about it but no one else.
[ Even his father thought it was a little strange. Byleth couldn't imagine how others would have reacted. ]
The day we met, the dreams took a more real shape until I could see her and hear her. She was the goddess mother of Seiros whose memories were forsaken from her death.
[ The more he hears it out loud, the more he realizes how insane it's starting to sound. Visions of deities and all... but Dimitri had been there the day they had fused. He had to have known he had some connection to the divine. ]
Rhea told me I was created to be her vessel. My father infused with Rhea's blood and my mother, a copy of the goddess mother- when they had me, I was on the brink of death. Only the crest kept me alive at the cost of my mother's life.
[ His hand moves to his chest where the crest seems to glow in response before he chances a glance at Dimitri's face to make sure he's not ready to bolt. ]
It's the heart of the goddess, Sothis.
[ He moves Dimitri's hand to his chest as well, letting him feel it there. The absence of a heart beat, proof that two of them are separated by more than just their societal positions. The unspoken truth is that they will always have this fundamental difference, and he's not sure if Dimitri will want to cope with that realization. ]
[ Dimitri listens, because he doesn't want to interrupt— doesn't want to miss a moment of the rare time Byleth does speak. He watches him, quiet and firm, absorbing what becomes more and more strange information—
He always knew something was different about Byleth, but with all that had occurred— so fast and one after the other, there really was no time to linger on it all. Especially when they found out the identity of the Flame Emperor so soon after it... and there was so little time to actually sit and talk.
However, as Byleth moves his hand to his chest, Dimitri does tense, if only in the realization that he somehow never noticed this when he held Byleth. And he's held him enough times since coming here, which makes his mouth part in surprise and his single eye widen in shock as he looks over at him.
He composes himself moments after, but it takes him some time to process it. His expression softens, but also grows troubled as he shifts his hand to slide up the side of Byleth's neck, looking sharply into his eyes.
His words are laced with guilt— and perhaps a hint of hurt. ]
Why did it take you so long to tell me?
[ He'd had such troubling thoughts about why Byleth had suddenly grown distant, each one worrying that he'd been the cause, when— he hadn't even mattered. Byleth was suffering alone, wearing this burden, and he didn't seek to tell him? ]
After I asked you to— that no matter what the problem, we'd get through it together...
[ His other hand lifts to cup the other side of Byleth's face. ]
Why would you suffer alone when you didn't have to?
[ Unless he did tell someone else— someone far more trustworthy to him. He wouldn't blame him, but what good is he if he can't even bear the burden of his beloved's pain together with him? ]
[ The guilt is eating him up just as much for not having spoken anything sooner. The shock of it hadn't quite worn off for some time, and he had been afraid of things ending when they had just begun. The thought of losing someone he'd come to love over the years they'd known one another... the thought of being seen differently... he had just gotten Dimitri to start using his name every once in a while.
He leans into Dimitri's hand as his expression finally crumbles from its usual passive visage to something genuinely hurt and worried. ]
I didn't want this to change.
[ He'd thought if he gave Dimitri his space, gave him room to grow and explore, to be with others, maybe he could at least find happiness elsewhere with someone he could grow old with. Maybe someone who could give him an heir.
But he's fooling himself thinking he'd be happy so long as Dimitri's happy.
His arms suddenly wrap around his waist as he pushes his face into the side of Dimitri's neck and simply inhales him. The thought of him with anyone else makes his chest ache even if he knows there's nothing they can do about it here, and the thought of separating permanently makes the backs of his eyes burn hotly. ]
Selfishly, I want you, no matter what. Sothis saved me when I was pulled into that other realm. We fused, we became one, but it's still me. Rhea may have wanted her to take control... but it's still me.
[ And he had nearly lost Dimitri too many times for his own comfort. ]
[ In this moment, Byleth seems so much smaller and vulnerable than he's ever seen him, and that alone makes him wrap his arms tightly around his body. Mercenary or Professor, he's always fit so well in his hold that it's like he belongs there. And more than that—
He's been the one to stand by him and return him to the light. How could he continue to be so blind while his beloved suffered this loneliness, this pain of knowledge that he too, cannot comprehend enough...
I didn't want this to change....
The way Byleth looks right then tears him up inside, and he pulls him into his arms without another word, his hand rising to bury his fingers in the hair on the back of his head. Lightened and radiant, that shock of spirituality and divine etched in the strands—
He pushes his lips against his jaw and kisses him, before he replies, firm in his reassurance. ]
I know it's you. I've never doubted it, Byleth.
[ Fused with a goddess or not... he squeezes Byleth close as he tries to sort out his thoughts. ]
I don't know why you'd think anything would change. I'd already seen you return from an impossible situation before. I've seen you make miracles happen. Why wouldn't I believe that you are still the same man I love beyond anyone else?
[ He can feel his heart sink as he keeps Byleth close. ]
No matter who we're with here, no matter our feelings... in the end, I'd still come back to you, beloved. Because I'm yours.
[ He's not a Dimitri from another path. He's his Dimitri. Carefully peeling himself back but not too far to be separated from the heat and warmth of his body, Dimitri brings his hand back to cup Byleth's cheek. ]
Nothing would change who you are. I would follow you to the very end, my love. I promised you that, and I hold that promise even now. You are Byleth. My Byleth. Why would you not believe me when I said it the first time?
[ He smiles faintly, wanting him to see that even if this is hard to process, he means every word. ]
It's not wise for a professor to not listen, is it?
[ His lips quirk at the edges as he touches the back of Dimitri's hand with his own, fingers molding their way along his, flesh to flesh. He should have had more faith that Dimitri would not have minded even if he still has plenty of preoccupations himself. He's not sure what this will mean for them in the future or when they return to their own world. He's not even sure what would happen were his body to go back into the same slumber that kept him out of Dimitri's life for five years. If he disappeared again and woke up to a changed world, his heart would break. He doesn't want to miss out on any other important moments, especially in Dimitri's life.
But all he can do now is trust that fate will allow them to be together. Otherwise, he'll spend his life rewinding events just so he could spend more time in his company. ]
You are mine, too, Dimitri.
[ Words he'd held on his tongue for too long. He's glad to give them life now as he doesn't want to hide anything more from him, no matter how difficult. He may not be completely human, but their bond anchors him, keeps him grounded. ]
There is something else. The truth about you and your friends.
[ It's important he also share this with him now as it may change their perception and how they come to view the crests from here on out. He knows there's a lot that Dimitri would have trouble forgiving as far as Rhea is concerned -Byleth already has a difficult time trusting her- but he should know all sides of the story before he makes any judgments. ]
Sothis and her children lived in Zanado, but they were slain by humans. Their bones and their hearts formed the relics and the crests you now wield, inherited by the Ten Elites who took them. Rhea -no, Seiros-... she wove her own tale.
[ Everything she had done had been in the name of vengeance and in order to see her mother, something he could sympathize with to an extent. If there was a way to bring his father back, he would have taken it, but not at the expense of others' livelihoods. ]
Talk to her.
[ It's important that, as king, he unravels those misconceptions himself. Byleth has his own opinions, but he'd rather they all made peace with the past so they could focus on building the future of Fódlan together. He'll also let Dimitri decide how he wants to break it to Felix and Sylvain, though they may already know. He hadn't yet asked them nor brought it up as he is aware their history with the crests is a lot more checkered than his own.
Before coming to the monastery, his crest had not even had much of an effect on him or his life. To think he could have gone on naively if he hadn't come across Dimitri and the other house leaders that day... ]
Something aches in his chest when he hears that, unsure of how to process that bit of information outside of just... hugging Byleth with joy. He was already hurting at the thought that Byleth had changed his mind, that he didn't want him or didn't see anything worth staying with any longer. And he honestly would not have blamed him either, especially after what he'd put everyone through.
Hearing that reaffirmation only makes him hold him close again, though—
What he hears next makes him look at him in surprise. ]
Rhea... is Seiros?
[ Did he hear that right? And the Ten Elites, the bearers of the crests that they all inherited.. what does that make them? He looks a bit lost as he stares at Byleth, unsure of what to think right now. ]
... Byleth— before I speak to her, if she's even willing to speak to me... what does this mean for us? For you and myself? If what you're saying is true, then haven't I been among those that have done you all wrong?
[ He's not even questioning it, Byleth has no reason to lie to him. He just wants to know what this means. ]
[ Byleth doesn't know if there is a true answer to that. War has many sides, and soldiers die and suffer on either. Both fight for what they believe in, but one must eventually fall. He knows Dimitri wanted peace, and as far as he knows, Edelgard wanted vengeance against the Church. Given what he's learned about the Church, he can't entirely blame her.
He, too, felt anger learning about this past and how he came to be. But if not for Rhea's meddling, he also may have never come to the academy nor would he have changed after becoming the professor of so many wonderful students -now friends of his. One now his love. ]
Dimitri, none of us knew... Humans, your ancestors, they destroyed Rhea's kin for more power, and she retaliated by using their creations for her gain.
[ And using his own father and himself after... ]
All I know is, no matter what I am, it doesn't change how I feel about you.
[ Heart or no heart, he knows he's capable of feeling something for Dimitri. He doesn't know if it's reciprocated entirely, but he wants to believe there is a way for them to be together even if he'll have to bury Dimitri himself. Even if they won't have any heirs. Even if the world may look upon them with scorn. Even if Dimitri will have other lovers in time.
But those are all truths he'll have to accept just as Dimitri will have to accept the truth of Blaiddyd and the other Ten Elites. The truth of the crests. The truth of the dragons that walk amongst them. ]
[ He doesn't know how else to tell him how his feelings stand- but together with all of this, there's so much he has to think about. And yet...
And yet.
It's so much easier knowing all of this because he knows Byleth is here, with him, for him to take it all at all. And hearing those words...
He reaches out to take Byleth's hand, tugging him in close as he drops his head near his. Strange, how much smaller he feels against him, even if he's experienced Byleth just being- so much more to him. Like an embrace he never wants to break free of.
His face settling in against the side of his, he closes his eyes as he inhales and lets his thoughts melt against his. ]
I'm glad.
[ Simply, easily... ]
... because my feelings for you cannot be shaken, no matter what this place does, my beloved. I don't...
[ He holds him closer. ]
I don't want to be without you for even a moment. Not in thought, or presence... I want to stand by you no matter what we have to endure.
[ Even now, it's hard to let him go, but he does, slowly- enough to give Byleth some room before he looks into his eyes. ]
I'll speak to her, but when I am ready. If it is alright... I would rather focus on our time now. It's selfish... utterly selfish. But I don't want to be weighed down by things I cannot change while in a place we cannot escape.
[ He's had enough of feeling guilt and shame, and he will never stop feeling them. But if he can have his happiness, even for a moment... ]
... is that alright to want? With you?
[ Is he allowed to be at peace without Byleth doubting him, and without him doubting Byleth's feelings for him? ]
[ Byleth nods as he curls Dimitri's fingers with his own and brings the back of his hand to his mouth to kiss. Maybe one day they will be more than this just as they had become so much more than teacher and pupil. Maybe one day he will adorn this hand with something of meaning and worth.
Maybe one day he can call Dimitri his in every way.
The corners of his mouth lift as he holds Dimitri's hand for a moment longer, savoring the warmth and hoping he can emit the same. The revelation of being something more than human is still something he's trying to wrap his head around, having spent the bulk of his life simply being his father's son. He doesn't want to lose that connection between them, especially since the similarities he retains to Jeralt are few and far between. But if there's any way he can honor him and remember him, he would.
His father, more than everyone, wanted him to find someone he loves as deeply as he had loved his mother. If not for the circumstances surrounding his birth, they could have been happier together for longer. Byleth has a lot he still resents Rhea for, but killing her -taking vengeance- it wouldn't solve anything.
All he can do now is honor his father's last wish and savor this, hoping they'll find one another again when they return home. That even if they forget this memory, they won't forget how it made them feel. ]
It is. All I want is to know that you accept me as I really am. No more lies or words unspoken.
[ He has nothing left to hide from him, and hopefully, Dimitri feels the same. ]
Can we celebrate your birthday properly now? Stay. Eat with me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
No matter what, no matter how— he's the only one he'd have in his arms.
He pauses, quiet as he allows Byleth to kiss him, his own hands cupping his head as he opens his eye, gazing upon that face he cannot ever get out of his heart and thoughts. He's quiet as he speaks, before releasing a soft sigh and smile. ]
Because I'm a fool who cannot give you the happiness you are truly deserving of. Yet here you are, accepting what little I can give.
[ He moves his head so that he can plant a small kiss on Byleth's forehead. ]
I've missed you.
[ Ever since Byleth stopped staying long in his room, he's felt a little out of sorts. ]
no subject
He never wanted him to feel this way at all.
Both hands move down his arms and take Dimitri's fingers between his own as he struggles with how to start -where to start. He can't keep hiding from the truth, and even if it should tear them apart, he has to face that reality now. ]
You don't have to.
[ He really wants to stay by his side. ]
You make me happy.
[ Happier than he ever thought he could be after losing his father. Dimitri and the rest of his former students had become his family in his stead. ]
But there's something you should know about me, about the crests, about Rhea... do you want me to continue?
no subject
Dimitri had managed to avoid most interactions that would make him feel guilty, and only doing what he could out of necessity of the situation— but his mind eventually brought back thoughts of Byleth. Of whether Byleth was enjoying himself more with someone else— if he would rather they...
He'd often have to catch himself when his thoughts went that way. Because in the end, Byleth has no reason to be with him in any form, outside of his own feelings for him. And he knows he can't demand that, regardless of how he feels. He knows what he feels, and he accepts whatever Byleth feels— and so he began to accept when Byleth wouldn't join him in bed after a while, he began to accept when their evenings would be spent with people other than each other... they'd have to live their own lives while accepting a lot.
He thought he was fine, so the sudden show of love threw him off guard. Had he been assuming wrongly and distancing himself from the one he loved? That was what had brought on his tears, and now, as Byleth speaks, he watches him curiously. ]
I have not had the chance to speak with her... or know that she was present.
[ The Archbishop was here all this time...? He frowns, feeling a little foolish for not looking more closely. ]
What is it, beloved? We'd not yet found her in my memory, but...
[ He looks at him, encouraging him to continue. ]
no subject
[ It was by chance that she had stumbled in, but maybe fate had also played a role, considering what they had ended up speaking of. ]
She's from a different path. I had lead Claude's house, but many truths remain between the two.
[ He has no reason to believe they would be any different considering how many facts line up. His hands tighten around Dimitri's as he braces himself, though he's not used to having to speak this much in one sitting. Still, if he doesn't tell him now, he won't be able to continue in good conscience. ]
When I was young, I dreamt often about a young girl speaking to me. I told my father about it but no one else.
[ Even his father thought it was a little strange. Byleth couldn't imagine how others would have reacted. ]
The day we met, the dreams took a more real shape until I could see her and hear her. She was the goddess mother of Seiros whose memories were forsaken from her death.
[ The more he hears it out loud, the more he realizes how insane it's starting to sound. Visions of deities and all... but Dimitri had been there the day they had fused. He had to have known he had some connection to the divine. ]
Rhea told me I was created to be her vessel. My father infused with Rhea's blood and my mother, a copy of the goddess mother- when they had me, I was on the brink of death. Only the crest kept me alive at the cost of my mother's life.
[ His hand moves to his chest where the crest seems to glow in response before he chances a glance at Dimitri's face to make sure he's not ready to bolt. ]
It's the heart of the goddess, Sothis.
[ He moves Dimitri's hand to his chest as well, letting him feel it there. The absence of a heart beat, proof that two of them are separated by more than just their societal positions. The unspoken truth is that they will always have this fundamental difference, and he's not sure if Dimitri will want to cope with that realization. ]
no subject
He always knew something was different about Byleth, but with all that had occurred— so fast and one after the other, there really was no time to linger on it all. Especially when they found out the identity of the Flame Emperor so soon after it... and there was so little time to actually sit and talk.
However, as Byleth moves his hand to his chest, Dimitri does tense, if only in the realization that he somehow never noticed this when he held Byleth. And he's held him enough times since coming here, which makes his mouth part in surprise and his single eye widen in shock as he looks over at him.
He composes himself moments after, but it takes him some time to process it. His expression softens, but also grows troubled as he shifts his hand to slide up the side of Byleth's neck, looking sharply into his eyes.
His words are laced with guilt— and perhaps a hint of hurt. ]
Why did it take you so long to tell me?
[ He'd had such troubling thoughts about why Byleth had suddenly grown distant, each one worrying that he'd been the cause, when— he hadn't even mattered. Byleth was suffering alone, wearing this burden, and he didn't seek to tell him? ]
After I asked you to— that no matter what the problem, we'd get through it together...
[ His other hand lifts to cup the other side of Byleth's face. ]
Why would you suffer alone when you didn't have to?
[ Unless he did tell someone else— someone far more trustworthy to him. He wouldn't blame him, but what good is he if he can't even bear the burden of his beloved's pain together with him? ]
no subject
He leans into Dimitri's hand as his expression finally crumbles from its usual passive visage to something genuinely hurt and worried. ]
I didn't want this to change.
[ He'd thought if he gave Dimitri his space, gave him room to grow and explore, to be with others, maybe he could at least find happiness elsewhere with someone he could grow old with. Maybe someone who could give him an heir.
But he's fooling himself thinking he'd be happy so long as Dimitri's happy.
His arms suddenly wrap around his waist as he pushes his face into the side of Dimitri's neck and simply inhales him. The thought of him with anyone else makes his chest ache even if he knows there's nothing they can do about it here, and the thought of separating permanently makes the backs of his eyes burn hotly. ]
Selfishly, I want you, no matter what. Sothis saved me when I was pulled into that other realm. We fused, we became one, but it's still me. Rhea may have wanted her to take control... but it's still me.
[ And he had nearly lost Dimitri too many times for his own comfort. ]
Stay.
no subject
He's been the one to stand by him and return him to the light. How could he continue to be so blind while his beloved suffered this loneliness, this pain of knowledge that he too, cannot comprehend enough...
I didn't want this to change....
The way Byleth looks right then tears him up inside, and he pulls him into his arms without another word, his hand rising to bury his fingers in the hair on the back of his head. Lightened and radiant, that shock of spirituality and divine etched in the strands—
He pushes his lips against his jaw and kisses him, before he replies, firm in his reassurance. ]
I know it's you. I've never doubted it, Byleth.
[ Fused with a goddess or not... he squeezes Byleth close as he tries to sort out his thoughts. ]
I don't know why you'd think anything would change. I'd already seen you return from an impossible situation before. I've seen you make miracles happen. Why wouldn't I believe that you are still the same man I love beyond anyone else?
[ He can feel his heart sink as he keeps Byleth close. ]
No matter who we're with here, no matter our feelings... in the end, I'd still come back to you, beloved. Because I'm yours.
[ He's not a Dimitri from another path. He's his Dimitri. Carefully peeling himself back but not too far to be separated from the heat and warmth of his body, Dimitri brings his hand back to cup Byleth's cheek. ]
Nothing would change who you are. I would follow you to the very end, my love. I promised you that, and I hold that promise even now. You are Byleth. My Byleth. Why would you not believe me when I said it the first time?
[ He smiles faintly, wanting him to see that even if this is hard to process, he means every word. ]
It's not wise for a professor to not listen, is it?
no subject
But all he can do now is trust that fate will allow them to be together. Otherwise, he'll spend his life rewinding events just so he could spend more time in his company. ]
You are mine, too, Dimitri.
[ Words he'd held on his tongue for too long. He's glad to give them life now as he doesn't want to hide anything more from him, no matter how difficult. He may not be completely human, but their bond anchors him, keeps him grounded. ]
There is something else. The truth about you and your friends.
[ It's important he also share this with him now as it may change their perception and how they come to view the crests from here on out. He knows there's a lot that Dimitri would have trouble forgiving as far as Rhea is concerned -Byleth already has a difficult time trusting her- but he should know all sides of the story before he makes any judgments. ]
Sothis and her children lived in Zanado, but they were slain by humans. Their bones and their hearts formed the relics and the crests you now wield, inherited by the Ten Elites who took them. Rhea -no, Seiros-... she wove her own tale.
[ Everything she had done had been in the name of vengeance and in order to see her mother, something he could sympathize with to an extent. If there was a way to bring his father back, he would have taken it, but not at the expense of others' livelihoods. ]
Talk to her.
[ It's important that, as king, he unravels those misconceptions himself. Byleth has his own opinions, but he'd rather they all made peace with the past so they could focus on building the future of Fódlan together. He'll also let Dimitri decide how he wants to break it to Felix and Sylvain, though they may already know. He hadn't yet asked them nor brought it up as he is aware their history with the crests is a lot more checkered than his own.
Before coming to the monastery, his crest had not even had much of an effect on him or his life. To think he could have gone on naively if he hadn't come across Dimitri and the other house leaders that day... ]
no subject
Something aches in his chest when he hears that, unsure of how to process that bit of information outside of just... hugging Byleth with joy. He was already hurting at the thought that Byleth had changed his mind, that he didn't want him or didn't see anything worth staying with any longer. And he honestly would not have blamed him either, especially after what he'd put everyone through.
Hearing that reaffirmation only makes him hold him close again, though—
What he hears next makes him look at him in surprise. ]
Rhea... is Seiros?
[ Did he hear that right? And the Ten Elites, the bearers of the crests that they all inherited.. what does that make them? He looks a bit lost as he stares at Byleth, unsure of what to think right now. ]
... Byleth— before I speak to her, if she's even willing to speak to me... what does this mean for us? For you and myself? If what you're saying is true, then haven't I been among those that have done you all wrong?
[ He's not even questioning it, Byleth has no reason to lie to him. He just wants to know what this means. ]
no subject
He, too, felt anger learning about this past and how he came to be. But if not for Rhea's meddling, he also may have never come to the academy nor would he have changed after becoming the professor of so many wonderful students -now friends of his. One now his love. ]
Dimitri, none of us knew... Humans, your ancestors, they destroyed Rhea's kin for more power, and she retaliated by using their creations for her gain.
[ And using his own father and himself after... ]
All I know is, no matter what I am, it doesn't change how I feel about you.
[ Heart or no heart, he knows he's capable of feeling something for Dimitri. He doesn't know if it's reciprocated entirely, but he wants to believe there is a way for them to be together even if he'll have to bury Dimitri himself. Even if they won't have any heirs. Even if the world may look upon them with scorn. Even if Dimitri will have other lovers in time.
But those are all truths he'll have to accept just as Dimitri will have to accept the truth of Blaiddyd and the other Ten Elites. The truth of the crests. The truth of the dragons that walk amongst them. ]
no subject
And yet.
It's so much easier knowing all of this because he knows Byleth is here, with him, for him to take it all at all. And hearing those words...
He reaches out to take Byleth's hand, tugging him in close as he drops his head near his. Strange, how much smaller he feels against him, even if he's experienced Byleth just being- so much more to him. Like an embrace he never wants to break free of.
His face settling in against the side of his, he closes his eyes as he inhales and lets his thoughts melt against his. ]
I'm glad.
[ Simply, easily... ]
... because my feelings for you cannot be shaken, no matter what this place does, my beloved. I don't...
[ He holds him closer. ]
I don't want to be without you for even a moment. Not in thought, or presence... I want to stand by you no matter what we have to endure.
[ Even now, it's hard to let him go, but he does, slowly- enough to give Byleth some room before he looks into his eyes. ]
I'll speak to her, but when I am ready. If it is alright... I would rather focus on our time now. It's selfish... utterly selfish. But I don't want to be weighed down by things I cannot change while in a place we cannot escape.
[ He's had enough of feeling guilt and shame, and he will never stop feeling them. But if he can have his happiness, even for a moment... ]
... is that alright to want? With you?
[ Is he allowed to be at peace without Byleth doubting him, and without him doubting Byleth's feelings for him? ]
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Maybe one day he can call Dimitri his in every way.
The corners of his mouth lift as he holds Dimitri's hand for a moment longer, savoring the warmth and hoping he can emit the same. The revelation of being something more than human is still something he's trying to wrap his head around, having spent the bulk of his life simply being his father's son. He doesn't want to lose that connection between them, especially since the similarities he retains to Jeralt are few and far between. But if there's any way he can honor him and remember him, he would.
His father, more than everyone, wanted him to find someone he loves as deeply as he had loved his mother. If not for the circumstances surrounding his birth, they could have been happier together for longer. Byleth has a lot he still resents Rhea for, but killing her -taking vengeance- it wouldn't solve anything.
All he can do now is honor his father's last wish and savor this, hoping they'll find one another again when they return home. That even if they forget this memory, they won't forget how it made them feel. ]
It is. All I want is to know that you accept me as I really am. No more lies or words unspoken.
[ He has nothing left to hide from him, and hopefully, Dimitri feels the same. ]
Can we celebrate your birthday properly now? Stay. Eat with me.